Let's talk about decision making and how to use your inner guidance.
As someone who is incredibly indecisive but also incredibly intuitive, I want to shine light on the experiences that have led me to be more in my power.
This article is a great counterpart to my previous article on intuition.
If you’re wanting to learn more about intuition, I recommend you checkout that article too!
Whether you’re feeling pulled in tons of different directions or you’re simply not sure which direction to go, this episode is for you.
It’s actually comical looking back and seeing how much I needed outside opinions to help guide my life.
Still to this day, I catch myself asking people to help me make decisions as if they know me better than me.
I thought that someone knew the golden answer that would be the missing piece to solving all of my life’s problems.
If I would really sit with myself, I knew deep down what felt good and what I needed - but I was so disconnected from that part of me that I would immediately go to what other people thought in order to make the quote unquote right decision.
It's like this innate part of me seeking validation and approval.
Because if someone else told me what to do, and it didn’t work out then it wouldn’t make me wrong. It wouldn’t be my fault that my life wasn’t working out.
It was because someone else made the decision for me.
I was so dysregulated that I wanted someone else to regulate me.
In all areas - in relationships, in business, in my own habits, etc.
I felt like a plastic bag drifting through the wind - yes I just quoted Katy Perry’s song Firework.
But literally that’s how I felt.
I would take advice from any and all people without seeing how it felt in my own body.
One person would tell me something about what I should do with my life and I would get excited, and then the next person would tell me something to counter that decision and I would be left all confused on what to do.
Don’t get me wrong.
Taking advice from someone you trust and from someone who is doing what you want to do can be a total step in the right direction.
Of course, we don’t know what we don’t know.
And actually working with mentors who know more than me in specific areas AND who are embodying and living a life I want to be living, has been indispensable in getting me to my goals and living the life I want.
It’s like a fast track to get to where you want to be with the right support. It’s a beautiful thing.
However, it is so important to always tune back into yourself and see how the advice sits with you.
How it resonates with you.
Because even though we are all similar in certain ways and cookie cutter advice can work - there are nuances and with the energetics of everything - if you’re only doing something because someone told you it’s going to make you money or make you happy, yet it isn’t of your highest values, it’s not going to workout the same way for you.
After I checked in with myself and made the intuitive decision to go to Bali to get my yoga teacher certification, I was then faced with more enormous decisions.
When covid-19 hit back in 2020, my plan of teaching english in the classroom was no longer an option. In my opinion, this was a blessing in disguise so that I could focus on the projects in my heart that I was more excited about - building my own business.
The thing is: I knew nothing about building my own business, and I didn’t really have a clear idea about what the heck my business would be.
All I knew I was I wanted to share my life.
The issue was that I was like a chicken with my head cut off and getting advice from literally any person that wanted to put their 2 cents in.
Strangers even!
And of course, if you ask 100 people, you’re going to get probably 100 different answers.
The opinions and advice I got were conflicting, so I was always in conflicted mode on what to do and I didn’t know how to go forward.
I listened to advice from people I didn’t vibe with because I saw their success and I wanted it.
But the way they were going about gaining their success didn’t resonate with me.
My body was actually rejecting it, but I was forcing full speed ahead because my mind logically wanted it.
I got burned many a times.
I took on projects and did work exchanges with people because I thought it would move me forward to the coveted success that I wanted, but really, I was just neglecting a part of me that actually knew the answer.
I felt constantly overwhelmed and dysregulated because I wasn’t listening to myself.
The only way forward is to sit with yourself.
As cliche as this sounds, the answers are inside of you and how the information feels in your body.
What brings you joy?
Follow your highest excitement and sit in that emotion.
People of course can be messengers.
Sometimes it can be hard to hear our own inner voice and we meet people who give us a message.
However, it is up to us to pay attention if this person is a messenger or if it’s actually a check-in to see what it is we really want.
So we have to tap into our body and see how this makes us feel.
To see how the advice or the message sits with us.
Is it an f yes, an f no or a maybe?
If you haven’t done so already, I highly recommend checking out the yes/no meditation in the previous article to get help on tuning into your body to understand yourself better.
Now the best authentic advice I received about decision making is that only YOU know.
Only you know the complete nuances of the situation you’re in and other people are coming from their own experiences, so it’s wise to always come back to your own body and knowing.
Perhaps in your own process, you will find it healing to consult a trusted friend for advice.
And if you don’t clearly know, pause.
Wait until you get that knowing that it is indeed time to act.
When in doubt, do nothing.
Sometimes, it is important to simply choose instead of getting so caught up in the cycle of being stuck.
But you’ll know.
If you’ve been spinning your wheels for so long, you may have a moment of okay I just have to choose already and be happy with whatever decision I make!
However, sometimes, we force upstream.
To make decisions because we feel like we have to.
When I’ve been unclear, I feel in my body that I need more information in order to make a decision.
So I wait, and then more information comes in or time passes by and I feel differently and there’s a clear cut answer.
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For example, I was dating a guy I was unsure about.
We had a lovely relationship and connection, but I couldn’t put my finger on why it didn’t feel fully right.
Every day I was like, should I stay with him or should I do my own thing?
I was never clear.
Let me preface that it was a safe relationship and there was no harm in staying.
If you’re in a dangerous relationship or situation where it is harming you to stay, then waiting may not be the right answer. It may be more important to act immediately.
However, then of course we go back to the golden rule of only YOU will really know the answer.
Only you can really truly decide what is right for you and get the support you need.
Any way, I had no clear cut answer and I was so in my head.
We were enjoying our times together, but I still was so unsure about him.
Until one day, 3 months later, my body completely shut down.
I woke up one day and I just knew.
I knew that this wasn’t right and I was grateful for the time and experiences we shared together, but I could no longer continue on.
It was lovely for a chapter, but I had a deep deep knowing that the chapter was over and it was time for the next.
When you establish a practice of carving out time to sit with yourself and connect to yourself on a deeper level, you’ll start to be more in tune with your body.
Little lightbulb moments of which direction to go will spark up.
You may get clarity on who to reach out to for help or advice, or what to do that day, or maybe you get no clarity which is also clarity of simply not making any drastic moves yet until you have the clarity.
Then, when you do get the advice or you hear your own innate wisdom, you check in again.
It’s a constant and beautiful dance of checking in with yourself and your wellbeing.
Often, I’ve put people on pedestals thinking that people with more experience, knowledge, and money know better than me.
And time and time and time again, it’s like the Wizard of Oz.
Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz?
Where Dorothy puts all of her faith in the wizard thinking he will have the advice to solve all of her problems and he is seen as this all knowing grandiose wizard and then the little dog toto pulls back the curtain and simply shows this normal looking human man just pretending to be this great wizard.
This has happened to me so many times.
I put people on pedestals just to realize that they in fact are human too, and the only person that really truly knows the answers is you.
It’s all within you when you get in touch with yourself and listen to that voice.
When you hear what other people are saying and notice how it is resonating with you and then decide how you want to perceive and navigate the situation.
And when it feels fuzzy and unclear, give it time and space to let the murky waters disperse and you find more clarity to really truly make whatever decision you need.
Yoga and meditation can also help you clear the murky waters.
These will help on your journey towards a higher consciousness and a quantum leap toward the life you want to be living.
Because I’m all about mindset, energetics and the science behind it all… let’s talk about decision making in the brain in our next segment called Neuro Nugget.
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Welcome to our Neuro Nugget segment, where we unravel the mysteries and intricacies of the brain.
I love nerding out in this segment and tying in how we can fuse science and spirituality together in order to live a life that is more fulfilling, exciting and full of bliss.
Today, we're putting the spotlight on the Dorsolateral Prefrontal Cortex, or as we'll affectionately call it, the Decision Director of the Brain.
Or my favorite the DLPFC.
The DLPFC, lives at the front and sides of your brain and is taking in so much info from other parts of the brain.
But it carefully sifts through all of this information in order to help you make decisions.
Imagine this brain region as your personal assistant.
A personal assistant is looking at your calendar and scheduling meetings and looking at all the info and planning your day carefully so that it runs smoothly.
That’s what the DLPFC is doing too.
It's responsible for reasoning, problem-solving, and, you guessed it, making decisions.
When we are faced with choices, the DLPFC springs into action.
It evaluates options, considers consequences, and juggles the pros and cons.
But, as we know, decision-making isn't always a walk in the park.
If you’re like me, you might feel like you’re in a chaotic dance of ambiguity a majority of the time.
Now, I want to nerd out for a hot min and dive into the fascinating science behind indecision.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the loop of uncertainty, it’s because the DLPFC is burdened with too many options or unclear consequences.
There are too many complexities at play.
And then of course, we’ve got a backstage player—the amygdala.
We’ve talked about the amygdala before, which is responsible for emotional fear responses.
The fear of regret, deeply rooted in the amygdala, can paralyze decision-making, trapping us in a loop of indecision.
It's like a tug-of-war between the brain's desire for certainty and the fear of making the "wrong" choice.
So, next time you're caught in indecision's web, know it's not just you—it's the brain's intricate internal battle.
So what the heck can you do if you’re feeling tangled in the web of indecision?
Let’s hop into our next segment the Brain hack of the Day.
So I’ve been using this technique for a while now, but I never had any fancy name for it.
I simply called it the Value Goal Audit, but then I wanted something more fresh and fun, so ChatGPT helped me come up with the “Mind Compass Calibration” good ole MCC.
So in order to help you with decisions, it’s important to connect with your deepest values.
What are you wanting out of life? Do the actions align with the values?
Tuning back into your values and then asking does this action align with where I want to go or is it distracting me and taking me away from my vision and mission?
Envision a compass in your mind and then think about the decision - > is this decision helping you embody the person you want to be?
How does it feel in your body to think about the decision.
Taking a pause and giving yourself space and time to sit with the decision can help confirm your direction.
Even in adulthood, we are plagued by our own conditioning.
So in order to transform our lives, improve our mental health, and manifest our dream goals, becoming conscious of our values and what brings us joy can propel us to our highest potential.
This can be a beautiful integration to your meditation practice.
If you're wanting support on your path and you're ready to experience that sacred feeling of actually being in alignment with your deepest purpose, then I have the perfect FREE mini training for you.
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I can't wait to work with you.
So as always, we’ve covered a lot, so let’s recap it up.
The best advice I’ve ever gotten was to tune back into yourself and when in doubt, do nothing.
When you get advice and messages, see how it feels in your body.
Instead of putting people on a pedestal, remembering we are all human and you are the only one who knows all the nuances of the situation.
Thank you so much for joining me on the Radically Rewired blog today!
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Each article of 'Radically Rewired' is a step towards getting off autopilot and soaring toward your dreams.
I’m sooo grateful that you’re here taking another step toward living a life that feels extraordinary.
Let's continue this transformative journey together, my friends. Until next time, keep rewiring, keep thriving, and keep shining.
Xo,
Nicole
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